Who is the lamb, and who is the knife?

It was Phoebe's first birthday yesterday and today was the afternoon we went round to wish her a happy birthday. I can't believe it's been a year since she was born! She's a beautiful, charming little girl and I can't wait to see what her next year brings. Also looking forward for our holiday in Woolacombe with Mum, Katie and Phoebe for 5 days. Though my sister and I don't usually get on for long periods of time I'm hoping Phoebe will unite us for the 5 days.

Apart from Phoebe's birthday I've been kind of low the last day or so. After fainting again yesterday doing a simple walking exercise at physio I've been feeling really downhearted. I was hoping the fainting was starting to become better but I've now fainted five times in five weeks, been sick from vertigo several times and even though the movement disorder is getting better I just feel so sad and deflated. I dunno, maybe I'll feel better in a few days and move on but I feel like I'm against this uphill struggle all the time. And hearing about how all my friends are getting these great job interviews or jobs, or how they're going out to have fun, or even how they can leave the house on their own makes things worse. I hate this, I'm fighting it as hard as I can but it's hard. It's one of the hardest things I'm having to do. I wish something good would happen, like loose some weight or something - I can't even succeed at that let alone anything else. Just looking in the mirror sometimes and seeing what a failure my life has become makes me want to scream or melt into nonexistence. Which of course is really selfish. I just can't win.

Anyway, have today's outfit pics. I'll try and be a bit more cheerful next time, I'm sorry. ): 




Outfit: 
Dress - newlook, hat - from my mum, sandals - new look, black patent belt - h&m, lace ankle socks - primark, bracelets - ebay and gift from turkey, moon necklace - ebay.

I don't know why nobody told you how to unfold your love..

Just going to do a few outfit posts from the last few days as I fainted at my physio session today and still don't feel well. Therefore I'm too tired to make a big update on my thoughts.

Outfit details:
Floral blouse - charity shop, high waisted shorts - topshop, black patent belt - h&m, black jazz shoes - urban outfitters, hat - borrowed from my mum.








































Outfit details:
Floral top: h&m, gypsy skirt - river island, tan belt - newlook, watch - urban outfitters, heart tights - primark, alice band with bow - primark.

My a-z of websites

Type each letter in your address bar and fill in the first one that comes up:

• A - http://www.amazon.co.uk
• B - http://www.blogspot.com/
• C - nothing
• D - http://mimiduck.blogspot.co.uk/
• E -http://www.ebay.co.uk
• F - http://facebook.com
• G -http://www.gaiaonline.com
• H - http://www.hotmail.com
• I - http://www.imdb.com
• J - http://www.johnlewis.com
• K -http://www.kurtgeiger.com/
• L - http://www.lovefilm.com
• M - http://www.mrasbateman.tumblr.com
• N - http://www.noiiir.tumblr.com
• O - http://www.orange.co.uk
• P - http://www.porcellino.tumblr.com/
• Q - http://www.qwantz.com/index.php
• R - http://revolvermaps.com/
• S -http://www.sainsburys.co.uk/sol/index.jsp
• T - http://www.twitter.com
• U - http://www.urbandictionary.com/
• V - http://www.vegannoiiir.tumblr.com
• W - http://www.wikipedia.org/
• X - http://www.xsugarcatx.tumblr.com/
• Y - http://www.youtube.com
• Z - http://www.zara.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/home/uk

This is a low-flying panic attack

My sister turned 20 today! It's weird to think she's not a teenager anymore... she's more excited about Phoebe's birthday though, which I guess is understandable when you have children.
Phoebe is as ridiculously cute as she always is, making us laugh with her little quirks. Dunno what I would do without her to cheer me up once a week. :) She does this really cute thing when she has a cushion and she hugs it, puts it on the floor and then pushes her face into it! It's adorable! I'm looking forward to holiday next week in Woolacombe so I can spend 5 days playing!


Couldn't really say what my mood is today, I don't feel like myself, like I'm drifting. I don't feel especially sad or anxious or happy or anything really. Seems to be a trend after a series of bad days. *shrug* I don't like when I don't know though, I'd rather be aware of mood whether it's high or low and then deal with it. This not knowing thing annoys me.









Outfit details: 
Blouse - urban outfitter's urban renewal, Tweed shorts - h&m, black patent belt - h&m, heart print white tights - primark, fish necklace - topshop, tapestry brogues - urban outfitters.

 

I just smile 'cause true love that doesn't grow out of style

It's taken me a while to make this post as it's been such a busy time for me! I spent all of Thursday evening baking and decorating my Grandparents 50th wedding anniversary cake, all of Friday in the Midlands celebrating with the family and recovering the last two days! But I'll start from the beginning.


So, I've been planning this anniversary cake for sometime and as my first ever properly decorated cake I wanted to keep it simple and pretty. Obviously at 50 years gold was going to be a main colour and I decided to join that with ivory (I prefer the slight offwhite colour). I spent (what is to me) a fortune on this cake, at least £20! The edible gold paint, flowers and a new piping set were from Hobbycraft and the rest were standard supermarket baking ingredients. Though not

totally vegan as I used eggs I did make this cake
dairy free using my sunflower butter; not that anyone noticed the difference! I also suffered my first ever baking diaster! I was originally using soya butter as I know it's slightly sweet and would therefore compliment a cake, however I didn't grease my pans enough and the cake stuck! Mum and I managed to break it all off into pieces (that are now in the freezer) and we'll be eating it with custard whenever we're short a dessert as it still tastes yummy! After a frantic count of the pennies in my money box I had just enough for some more eggs and I started again, this time with sunflower butter and baking paper lining the pans! A second disaster was averted! Decorating wasn't as stressful as I anticipated. After joining both halves of the cake with dairy free buttercream icing and my homemade raspberry jam I simply rolled out some ready-made icing and placed on top and used my piping bag to seal the bottom with icing. Mum found me the gold wrapping in her odds and ends box so while she fitted that I got out a new paintbrush and the gold paint and got to work painting the flowers gold! The gold paint I used was good for this, though I wouldn't suggest it for large areas as it's a little thin. I placed the flowers with a generous blob of normal glaze icing and then painted the '50' on. I was so pleased with how it turned out for my first go! It was what I had envisioned and I got so many compliments from family and my grandparents friends. :) And yes, I did get 2 slices in the end and they were scrumptious! Everyone who tasted it complimented the lightness of the cake and my raspberry jam so I was pretty much beetroot by the end of the day! My Gran even preferred it to the cake my Granddad bought, and even said she's passed the baking torch onto me! What a compliment! =^.^=

Otherwise, I wore my new owl dress! I love it so much, even if it does make me conscious about my tummy. I even managed to wear heels (a big feat with vertigo!) as my Mum said she'd be my crutch for the day! I managed to wobble about without falling over successfully. It was so nice seeing the family as well, as we live 2 hours south of everyone we don't get to see each other more than about twice a year and everyone was in such good spirits it turned into a wonderful day. I even managed to spend time talking to my uncle and granddad who are usually not that talkative at these events.
Even Phoebe made us all proud, she was so good all day and was happily crawling and playing at my Grandparents house with my 6 year old cousin. On the way home she was asleep and kicked her foot over where the electric controls for her window were and opened the window! It woke her up and as she's teething pretty bad at the moment she was really restless and cried the last half an hour back. But considering how well she'd done all day it was a small price to pay.




I on the other hand did well until the evening when I really started to notice I was deteriorating. My head kept getting worse and I was noticing my tremors were becoming more frequent. I managed to sleep most the way home but then when we reached my sisters I had to stumble upstairs to be sick I felt so ill. ): I'm really upset I couldn't last the day but everyone has praised how well I managed. I'm still not well yet, I've had a headache all day from the constant spinning and I think this weekend I've spent at least 30 hours sleeping. This is pretty much why I can't work yet. Thursday I have physio, so we have lots to discuss.

It's my sisters' 20th birthday tomorrow! I was hoping to bake a chocolate and buttercream cake but we're going to see how I feel in the morning before I attempt anything. I hope I feel well enough as it's an easy enough cake to make. (plus the dairy in it means I can't have any, I've been bad enough with my diet with all the cake!!) And then it's Phoebe's 1st birthday on Thursday, the years gone so fast! Luckily, I don't have to make a cake for her as my sister's baking one, I have the honours next year!

Outfit details: 
Dress: Primark, Jacket: Newlook, Shoes: Faith found in charity shop.

The beauty of the moment is the beauty sadly lost

It's been a pretty quiet, dull two days since I last posted. I've spent most my time in bed reading, recovering from the intense exhaustion that seemed to have come over me. Feeling a little more alive today, still tired around the edges and have a busy night ahead! Mum's taking me to Hobbycraft in a bit to get my things for my Grandparents 50th Wedding Anniversary cake I'll be baking tomorrow, then we'll home have dinner and then we're dying each others hair. Mine's the harder since it's henna and I'll be sat around for 4 hours after with cling film around my head but it'll mean I can get some studying done. :)

Eating's going well since I got bargins for fruit the other day! Did have 3 digestive biscuits yesterday which I still feel bad about but at least there's none left now! The skirt I'm wearing today though used to be quite tight but now it's really loose! I weighed myself and I'm still the same weight.. means I'll have to do measurements tomorrow morning and I'm dreading it. Just thinking about it makes me feel sick cos I know I'm still too fat. *sigh* People keep mentioning I've lost weight but I seriously cannot see it at all even spending time in front of the mirror everyday to do my physio. :/

I've started a new book as well, Jostein Gaarder's 'Sophie's World'. I was recommended it in sixth form in my philosophy class and just never could get a hold of the library copy. Imagine my excitement when at Bookends in Northern Ireland they had a beautiful hardback copy (which I swear is unread!) for 50p!! I'm really enjoying it at the moment, it's such a good refresher or starter for anyone looking at the history of philosophy. I did find over the last year at uni studying philosophy I lost some of the taste for it, I actually became quite bored. This book has already piped my interest again, my natural unsastified curiosity about the world we live in. Anyone who has an interest in philosophy should read this book as it's a fantastic introduction!

Now for some outfit updates!

Yesterday:
Wearing: peacock strapless dress (worn as top) - h&m, cream shorts - h&m, mustard belt - thrifted




Today:
Wearing: tied white t-shirt - h&m, denim sleeveless jacket - thrifted/diy, marilyn monroe skirt - newlook, cream and black socks - topshop, black jazz shoes - urban outfitters

She may be young but she only likes old things

It's been a busy afternoon! Had an appointment at the hospital with the opthamologist as my neurological condition has affected the sight in one eye slightly. After a long wait (as always) I got told I don't need to see them anymore unless my condition gets worse! Considering today the visual field test almost made me faint again (spent 10 minutes with my head between my legs..) this makes me so happy. There's nothing physically wrong with my eye apart from the communications from eye to brain so there's nothing they can do.

It was lovely weather as well today, sunny but not too hot. In fact I'd say it was beautifully comfortable. :) So I took advantage and wore my new thrifted olive dress! This is a size 8 (yay!) dress from Monsoon which only cost me £6. :D I loved the pattern and I think it's quite a versatile little dress. It's the kind of thing I could wear in the future to a workplace as well as casually. It would also work in the winter with some tights and cute boots. Plus since it's a fitted size 8 how could I possibly refuse? My Mum likes how the olive compliments my red hair (which today was styled into a twisted, coiled low bun), and my boyfriend said he liked it as well. I paired the dress with low heeled sandals (the only pair I can walk in), a patent black skinny belt, gold and silver bracelets and a black glass serpent necklace.

Not much else to say today, need to go cook dinner now. Vegan chilli - nom! Oh, and in Tesco I managed to get a box of strawberries and two mangoes for 70p! Bargin!! :D

Ps. sorry my face is weird today. idk. ^^;

Wearing: 
dress: monsoon - thrifted, shoes: 5 year old newlook sandals, necklace: present from Malta, bracelets: present from Turkey, thrifted and eBay, belt: came with a dress from newlook. 

Does the body rule the mind? Or does the mind rule the body?

Asthma sucks! The air quality's been really bad with the humidity the last few days and yesterday it ended up triggering my asthma. ): Spent a whole afternoon in A&E having nebulizers, an IV with steroids and a chest x-ray.

Luckily it seems like a fluke so I'm just on oral steroids for a week and have to get a  check up with my GP, which I needed to do anyways. So now my lungs are working again I'm stuck with the aftereffects. The IV always stops me sleeping cos it rises my pulse to over 100 for 8-12 hours so I've hardly slept. And this means my vertigo is really bad, so I'm feeling pretty rough today and have resorted to crawling around most the time. Just having a day in bed, reading my book and the such. I wanted to do some studying but I'll have to try tomorrow after my hospital visit for my eyes. One day I will be healthy!

I did cook some yummy soup on Friday: spicy red lentil and carrot. Basically I chopped up potatoes, carrots, some left over mushrooms and an onion and added them to boiling water with red lentils, spices, herbs and a vegetable stock. Left to simmer for just under an hour and then blended with a handblender. Served and added a sprinkle of watercress for a garnish. Came to just under 400 calories with some multi-seed wholemeal bread. Was so so easy and yummy, I should make soups more often cos they're so simple, filling and healthy. So any creative soup recipes give me a hands up! I want to cook one using soya beans next as they're great for protein. :)

Also, I'm selling stuff on eBay, including these 7 pairs of shoes (sizes 5-6).

Please, buy them, they're an absolute bargin from what I paid for them and most of them I've only worn once or twice! I need money for my flights to see Jonathan and some new winter boots. So every little really really helps! <3


Sorry not much of an update, wearing my new dress from the charity shop tomorrow so there'll be a update with that. Hope everyone's having a good weekend! :)

Some Nights I Swear There Was Magic In The Air

I'm back from visiting my best friend Alex in Bath! It's nice to be back in my own bed again, I shall miss her though. I've had a good week, we didn't do alot per say but the few things I did do, like going for dinner with my other friend Angie, are big things for me. I wasn't ill and I didn't faint! Success! Feeling quite bad at the moment but I expected it to be honest after such a charged week.

Both Angie and Alex have relatively new boyfriends and they both seem much happier, and both of the guys seem wonderful, genuinely caring guys. I'm so pleased for them, they both deserve happiness. :)

~

So, I did go shopping this week! I've been very bad with my money and I'll be reaping the consequences for a good month and a half. Plus I did almost force Alex to throw herself out a window in Bristol cos she hates shopping, but she perserved and I'm thankful for her taking me and such. She's the bestest friend I could ever ask for. So much love! And next September we've been best friends for 10 years: a decade! Whoa! Talk about starting to feel your age!

But yes, shopping! I was after a new dress for the 24th of this month. My Grandparents are getting a blessing to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary, and thus it means a church ceremony! Now of course, I do own enough clothes to have found something but me being me wanted something new. Of course if that failed then I'd delve into my wardrobe and work something out. I'm so fussy currently about prices that alot of really nice dresses fall flat. It makes me a very fussy consumer and therefore makes my job even harder! Also some current designs are just mind boggling!

For example, in the Topshop sale there was this beautiful blue and green floral dress. I have a bit of a spot spot for vintage looking florals so my eye was drawn and seeing the price tag at £10 I was intrigued! However, I did notice a weird design element, there was a triangle cut out the front where I assumed ones tummy would be. Determined to face my tummy demons I headed into the changing room with it.. now the dress fit perfectly, was a nice shape as well but the triangle cut out ruined it! Firstly, it was just below the bust and went down to where my rib cage ends. It did not look flattering. It looked silly, I was so disappointed with the design element as it ruined a perfectly good dress!
I don't mind the cut out designs that are coming out at the moment, the waist cut outs look slimming and quirky and I'll love to try a shoulder cut out to see what it looks like. I think on the right person they are perfect for summer and can be very flattering. The problem with this is that the designer needs to be careful where they place these cut outs as the aforementioned dress just looked stupid, lost it's shape and it's appeal. No wonder it's in the sale. :/

Two days later though in Primark I hit success! They have so many cute dresses at the moment I felt quite spoilt for choice! I know they aren't the best quality and to be honest I do look for something that looks decent. I won't buy basics from there for example because they end up shapeless and in the bin! (They also have a good selection of big chunky cardies and jumpers that had my itching for autumn.) I ended up with two choices, one was a navy dress with a white duck pattern and the other.. a body con skirt dress with a floaty chiffon top with OWLS! I have a bit of an obsession with owls, and I'll admit my decision was pretty much made before trooping over to the changing rooms!
The duck dress was so cute, a little short on me (the curse of being tall!) and at £10 to be honest if I did have the money I would have bought it. Sadly it wasn't to be.
The owl dress... perfect. The body-con style skirt makes me a little anxious as it draws attention to my tummy, I'm hoping a chunky tan belt and a week of very good eating with disguise it by next Friday! The dress in a size 10 fit perfectly, was a decent length and the vintage owl pattern had me practically taking my debit card out then and there!

I'm so pleased and at £13 (alot for me) for most people this is a bargin dress that can be adapted to different situations. Cocktails, movie, meal, office the list is endless paired with the right accessories and shoes! I adore the pattern as I mentioned before, and to be honest I could see this style not going out for a good while yet. Or at least I hope! It's not weird looking, and bar the tightness of the skirt it's quite conservative. The materials are light on top and a little thicker and heavier at the skirt which I prefer anyhow. I'm so pleased and so in love, though I have to wait another week til I can wear it! I'm almost jealous of my future self.

I also bought some pale skin coloured tights, one with a floral pattern the other with hearts, for £1 each. I also bought some knee high oxblood socks. I adore knee high socks and oxblood and other berry colours are going to be at the forefront this autumn, so get your hands on some quick! These were from Primark. Other purchases included some rouge henna hair dye from Lush (I dye my hair with henna and I love the Lush range!) and a white bra from New Look reduced in the sale from £14 to £5! I've been after a new bra as some of my older ones are getting out of shape and stretched and just old. This bra claimed to boost my bra size by two cups.. and oh my does it deliver! Gives me stunning cleavage and so of course really makes those lower cut tops do their job! ^^; I also bought some scrummy instant tea from Whittards flavoured with English berries. It's so summery and tastes wonderful hot and cold! I'm about to go make myself a cup now in fact..
So overall despite the excess spending it wasn't too horrific and I did get some good deals! I don't go out that often so a little madness is ok. Just have to be very good these next few weeks and concentrate on savings and bills.


On a final note! Anyone who likes my style or clothes in general please check out my ebay. I'm horrifically poor and really need the help at the moment, everything is in very good quality and a bargin so keep checking back, even if there isn't anything atm you want. Thankyou little doves. :)

I love Roma

Woo, an outfit post! I took this a few weeks ago but it's still one of my favourite current outfits for the summer (or lack of as seems appropriate for the UK currently!). I'm quite enjoying the sort of re-invented 80's-90's grunge look, and I feel a staple of this look is a good blue denim jacket or at least jeans. Nothing says the 90's to me more than that one colour, I remember it being everywhere growing up as a child. I still hate the whole denim jacket with denim jeans though. I'll never be a convert it looks tacky! 

Also hair wise I have adopted the high messy bun as a staple style. With long-ish hair like mine that desperately needs cutting by a professional, (I cut my own fringe and about 6 months ago I hacked off my 2 inch split ends, thus destroying my layers ):) it's the easiest and most normal thing to do. Keeps my hair out my face but my fringe helps frame my super round face! Plus it's super easy to master with a little practice, I'm actually a fan of the more imperfect look. :D

Outfit details: t-shirt from visit to Rome, denim vest from charity shops and diy customising, velvet skirt from urban outfitters, chain hairband from newlook, pocket-watch necklace from etsy. 

Well I guess introductions are in order..

This is my first time in the world of blogger.. or blogspot.. or whatever this is called these days. I can't keep up with all the internet trends anymore, at the age of 22 I'm already starting to feel like a veteran! I'm already seeing people who are almost a decade younger than myself enter the vast world of cyberspace and it's actually one of the scariest things, almost like one of those coming to terms with ones morality moments of clarity one seems to have at a rather alarming pace after the age of 20 has been and gone.

But enough of scary things, this is meant to be about me. However, like all internet wallflowers I'm not all that interesting. But here's a lowdown on my current life.
I'm a poor 5'8 history and philosophy graduate with no job because of a neurological condition. (boo!) I  currently spend my days in the middle of Somerset living with my Mother and my younger brother. I have a younger sister who has a baby, my beautiful niece Phoebe, who live in the next town. I have a boyfriend, Jonathan, who lives in Northern Ireland. We see each other every 4-5 weeks usually depending. He makes me extremely happy and I don't deserve him at all! I aim to make him smile at least once a day, knowing he's happy makes me feel better. He's a very special person.
So, apart from struggling to get out of bed sometimes I'm trying to make the most of my 'unable to work' stage of life. I pretty much equally split my time between reading vast numbers of books, baking or cooking and studying Early Modern History ahead of a Masters degree I'm hoping to undertake. This is all unless I start page hopping on wikipedia and loose hours reading vague articles on anything from Vladimir Putin to heart valves to unicorns. Going from that selection alone you can probably tell alot of things interest me. I get sad when I have nothing to read or nothing to help me learn. From a young age I used to devour encyclopedias, novels and leaflets. If it had words you can bet I was going to read it. My life would be a sad affair without the written word.
I feel like I'm unable to go into detail, I don't want to bore potential readers into a coma! So here's a fun fast fire round of a few things about me, like in one of those cheesy game shows that seem to be on tv before the 6 o'clock news.

• I'm currently two thirds vegan; I only have cheese and eggs to give up. I am happy with my diet, I am not going to overly preach to someone to change theirs. I'll chat about it and debate it but if you're happy that's more important. There aren't enough things left today to make people happy, assuming there was before of course. 
• I am an ice hockey fan. I support the Belfast Giants and Philadelphia Flyers. My boyfriend, Jonathan, got me into the sport. It's fantastic!
• I get sad alot and I am a perpetually anxious person. I get neurotic about things and I cry alot. Just who I have always been, however I get stupidly happy over pretty trivial things like a bunny rabbit sitting in a teapot. Go psychoanalyse me or something..
• I like fashion but am exceedingly poor and spend alot of money on second hand books. Thus I am a thrift/sale shopper. I very rarely will buy things full price. I enjoy spending a few hours mooching through charity shops and seeing what hidden gems I can unearth. 
• I am an all-round music gal. I listen to almost anything I deem good from classical to hard rock. I love putting my itunes on shuffle and seeing what strange combinations arise. 

So as I said before, I am a very average person. My friends call me weird, quirky, neurotic, excitable, eccentric, intelligent(whut?) and who knows what else! I have few friends but I do love them all dearly. Past and present. 

I haven't really decided what exactly I want to use this blog for. I've come from tumblr, which had started to get too repetitive and time wasting for me. I guess this will probably start as an all round blog: fashion, food, my life and all of those and then we'll see where I am and where it's going. 

I hope that, whoever you are, you're having a good day. If not find something to make you smile, life's too short. :)